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Welcome to the wide world of affiliate marketing. This article is a study of the 15 best ways to guarantee that you will fail at your internet marketing ventures. There are probably several hundreds more and you are welcome to add yours in the comments below. Hopefully you are not guilty of these; even one or two can make a serious dent in your sales and profitability picture.

1. Do a search for “make money online” and sign up for a $25 course that will show you how to take surveys from home. Be sure to sign up for a “free” PC and fill out and buy all the all the required offers. That way you will get on every spam list on the planet.

2. Buy a pre-made ebook or product for sale website with a list of funny domain names to choose from and pick one that “sounds good to you” without doing any key word research. Those catchy domains advertise themselves, just put the site on a traffic exchange and wait for the sales to come flying in.

3. Decide to become an internet marketer before you even know what keywords are. After all Google is just a mindless dictionary definition collector, and your definition is just as good as theirs. That research stuff is just too much work, besides you have the coolest graphics and flash on your site, so you don’t need it.

4. Start by picking a niche market, like “Internet Marketing”, there is so little competition that all 8 billion websites out there will link back to yours quickly.

5. Buy a domain like “MakeMoneyNowSite.com” (Because ‘all’ the other names are gone) and put up a blog. It’s so easy, “everybody” else is making a pile of cash so you might as well join them.

6. When you figure out that a “blog” requires you are actually expected to write something intelligible be sure to hire a writer whose first language is not english.

7. Buy 16 “Silver Bullet” courses on internet marketing and spent hours reading the materials with out taking action. After all the author has shared his secrets knowing that less than 5% will actually do as he suggests, so he will certainly have no competition.

8. Try every “Silver Bullet” system for 2 or 3 days and then look for another because this one is not working. It has worked for centuries, every farmer does it doesn’t he? Put the seed in the ground and yell “Grow!” it will be up in a few days guaranteed.

9. Join 2 $100 a month “Membership” clubs that advocate conflicting points of view. That way every time one club says “GO” you can confidently “STOP” because the other disagrees.

10. Get your first website set up and then wonder where the traffic is going to come from. Don’t bother to have a strategy, Google is glad to take your money. If you must use SEO the be sure to use an article spinner to insure more information gets out to ALL the sites. If you want to add a human touch then see #6.

11. Set up your first squeeze page with language that sounds like; “you would’nt mind giving me your email address would you”. After all you haven’t offered them anything of value so you wouldn’t want to appear to be too demanding.

12. Set up your first auto-responder with a 15 part series on “Buy My Product”,”Buy My Product”,”Buy My Product”, and nothing else. The client who just signed up to your list has “clearly” said he want nonstop buying messages so don’t bother giving anything else. By the way, if you joint venture with others be sure to use the “official” emails for the launch with your list so they wont get anything different from the 15 other emails they receive on launch day.

13. Get 5 sites up with 3 plr written articles on each and spent your time cruising your hard-drive looking for a sixth in your vast collection of “Bonuses” from #7. My gosh you have tons of great stuff there, that pioneered the internet in 2000 and hardly anyone knows about all this obscure knowledge.

14. Write your first “Sales” letter before you discover Claude Hopkins, Gary Halbert, Dan Kennedy, Ben Hart, John Carlton or Frank Kern. It is simple, just explain all the facts and ask for the order. That “benefits and triggers” stuff is is not important,

15. Do something new every day and make sure that you have at least 10 projects on “Someday Isle”; you know that Island you are going to buy when you make a killing on the Internet!

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